Do you like Pina Coladas?

Best Friends Forever. BFFs. Fairy tale? Urban legend? Or just plain bullshit? Why do we feel the need as women to have this title as well as bestow it upon a close pal? Is there truly ONE friend that is there for you every single time you need them? One individual whose friendship outshines all others? Unless you have a twin, I don't...but I didn't always feel this way.

In 7th grade, my good friend gave me a necklace with half of a broken heart pendant on it. It said,"Be Fri". She quickly showed me her matching necklace with the other half of the heart,"st ends." I squealed, hugged her, and immediately clasped it around my neck. I remember feeling so proud walking through the halls, arm in arm, with our matching necklaces, proclaiming our lifelong commitment to our friendship. It was the junior high equivalent to wearing a guys letterman jacket in high school. She's taken. Back off bitches, she HAS a best friend.
That is, I *did* until Sallys brothers cousin told the janitor that I might have smiled at the guy she likes, in homeroom. I wore that necklace for about a month before the gossip fiasco. She asked me for it back, didn't care that I thought the guy she liked was a douche, and never spoke to me again. That may have been the beginning of my cynicism towards BFFs.

We evolve and change all the time. I have found that the same is true when it comes to friends. I have experienced deep friendship and it is wonderful. I think that the feeling you have when you see an old friend, is a true testament as to the depth of the relationship. Have you seen a friend after a very long absence, and feel like you had just had lunch yesterday? I have. That feeling is rare and I treasure it. I have a couple of friends like that. The ones that you never run out of things to say, laugh at all of each others funny stories, reminisce about the past, and wish you had more time with. Those relationships are special and should never be taken for granted.

Distance separates me from most of my friends. New and old. I made a couple of really good friends when we moved to NY, about 5 years ago. Time passes, everyone gets busy with work, families, life in general. I have a family. I totally get it. What I don't get is that neither of these women ever make time for me. Even a phone call would be nice. Dinner out with martinis would be ideal but, beggars can't be choosers. I get lovely messages about how life will calm down soon and we will get together, "FOR SURE". A year has gone by and I am still getting the lovely messages. *facepalm*. Is it me? Is it life? Maybe it's both. I just want to know what a 38 year old, stay at home, mother of 2, has to do to get a girl to go to dinner with her.

If I were to place an add for a bestie, it would go something like this:

Do You Like Pina Coladas?

• Will not be getting caught in the rain or making love at midnight. You must have half a brain, at least. *if you do not know the song...you are probably too young and need to move along.*
• Must be over 25. Before that age, you really don't know shit.
• Must not spend girlfriend time discussing any childs bodily functions. Dirty martinis do not go with talk about poop, pee, vomit, or any other disgusting tidbit you feel the need to share.
• If you hate your husband, keep it to yourself. I mean, I have no problem discussing relationship issues but, I will kick you in the teeth if I have to endure hours of "why my husband is a douchebag". 
• Kids must not be hellions. I have no patience for kids that act like they are the spawn of the devil. Only respectful, kind, happy, and well behaved kids come over to play at our house. (We don't have many kids over. Hmmmm.......)
• MUST have a deranged, dark, inappropriate, and politically incorrect sense of humor. 
• Never bring me flowers...bring Grey Goose. 
• Must be blunt and to the point. I am way too impatient to deal with anyone that cannot communicate. Say how you feel. Sullen teenage silent treatment not allowed...EVER!
• Must love to laugh. A lot. 

What do you think? Know anyone like this? I need a Girls Night Out with a lot of martinis. Yesterday.

Love at first sight? Nope. Love at first kiss.

The hubs and I disagree on the true story of how we fell in love. He likes to tell people that I relentlessly chased him around the office until he finally gave in. <insert extreme eye roll> He can think what he wishes but, I'll tell you how it really was.

We met at work. We had some mutual friends and would have lunch together on occasion, or join a group of co-workers for happy hour. Of course the first thing I noticed was that he was HOT, with a body that made most women swoon. Great smile, killer sense of humor, picked on me all the time (secretly, I loved it...still do). As I got to know him, the most attractive quality about him became so clear. He was TRULY a nice guy. Smart, fair, hardworking, and FUN. I was 26 and didn't think a man like this existed anymore. Nice, honest, funny, AND good looking?! How was he even single??? I didn't act on my secret crush...just held out hope that he would eventually read my mind. No office chasing going on, as he would like you all to believe. ;)

One Saturday night, I had asked three friends, hubs included, to go to the movies with me. At the last minute, the other two friends bailed out and that left just us. He called me and I was nervous as I told him that everyone else had cancelled. He quickly asked if I still wanted to go, I said YES (trying to contain my enthusiasm), and he said he would pick me up in a couple of hours. After two hours of endless primping, changing clothes 500 times, and chain smoking the whole time from nerves...I was ready. He showed up and my mouth dropped open. I mean, this man standing in front of me was absolutely everything I had ever wanted and more. There HAD to be something wrong with him.

We decided to go to a Japanese Hibachi restaurant around the corner, before we went to the movie. We ate, laughed, drank sake, laughed, drank more sake, and laughed some more, until we looked around and noticed that there wasn't anyone else in the restaurant. The two employees left were staring at us from across the restaurant. We (he) paid the bill, including an enormous tip, and left. When we got in the car, he asked me if I would still like to go see a movie. I told him that I would rather go somewhere that we could keep talking since I was having such a good time. I suggested that we get a bottle of nice wine and take it back to my apartment.

We opened the bottle of wine, put on Night at the Roxbury, and pretended to watch it. The next thing I know, we were kissing. To this day, I couldn't tell you who kissed the other first. I am pretty sure we both just jumped on each other. The next morning, with dreamy eyes, I told my roommate that I was going to marry him. She immediately faked gagging and rolled her eyes. "You are going to be curled up on the couch with a box of tissues in a week, crying!"...was her response to my ludicrous statement. I told her that she was wrong this time. He really was "THE ONE". She continued to gag and roll her eyes.

Two months later, he took me to Vegas for my 27th birthday. We checked in to the Venetian and decided to take a nap before going out. When we woke up, I asked him what he wanted to do. He said, "We should get married". I cracked up laughing. I told him that wasn't funny and seriously wanted to know where he wanted to have dinner. He looked at me and said, "I am not kidding. I want to marry you. Will you marry me?" After a minute or two of my mouth hanging open, I screamed, "YES YES YES!!". Then I asked him if he wanted to do a drive thru marriage in Vegas. After deciding that our parents would be very disappointed, we decided not to have Elvis marry us. I had dreamed of the big princess dress my whole life and really couldn't imagine not having my Dad walk me down the aisle.

We decided to stay in, get room service, lots of champagne, and call our family and friends. Since we had only been dating for two months, I think his family was afraid I was a hooker he picked up in Vegas. Of course we had idiot friends who asked us when the baby was due. WTF?! We spent the whole night celebrating. When I woke up the next morning, I could hardly believe that it wasn't all a dream. My cheeks hurt from smiling nonstop. Since he didn't plan to propose that weekend, he didn't have a ring. He bought me one at the hotel gift shop for $12. To this day, it is one of my most prized possessions. When we got home, he bought me a beautiful engagement ring. He came home from work one evening (I had been at his house making dinner), got on one knee with the beautiful ring, and asked me again.

Our engagement was 6 months. People were shocked of course at the warp speed of our courtship. I would bet that almost half of our wedding guests doubted it would last. We laughed about that. There was no question in my mind that this was the man I had waited my whole life to meet. We married in San Diego, in early December 2001.

10 years and two babies later, I still get butterflies when he kisses me. It doesn't get much better than that.

Love Letter To a Troll

Starting a blog is a rush. All of the great people, the praise, love, and encouragement. It feels like a big hug that you never want to end. I keep thinking...why didn't I do this sooner?? Third day in and I should still be in the honeymoon phase, right? I woke up to this message:

"Dear Ms Tiara,
I find it ridiculous when pages like yours blow up in one fucking day. These rabid Mommy Bloggers sure stick together. Your writing is amateur, your humor stale. Just another bitchy page. That has SO been done and I am sick of it. Over a hundred likes in one day from your bitchy girls clubs relentless pimping. Most of us have to work for it. These fake online relationships between women like you disgust me. Do you think that if you died tomorrow any of them would do more than use it as fodder for their next attention seeking post? Not one of them would piss on you if you were on fire. Enjoy your new found fame. Trust me, it will fade as fast as it started."

My first reaction? Of course my brain went into "think up clever snarky comeback" overload. A close second was, "FAME? what the fuck?!" Then I decided to sit on it for a while. I walked the dog, took a bath, read the paper. All of a sudden, I knew exactly what I needed to do. Write my very first troll a love letter.

Dear Ms. Troll,

Thank you for your message. I appreciate the feedback. While you are entitled to your rather nasty opinion, I beg to differ. I thought I would take this opportunity to teach you a bit about women and relationships.

People are always so quick to judge the quality of a relationship based upon where it started. One of my best friends met her husband on an online dating site. To this day, I am one of the ONLY people who know. She finds it embarrassing for some reason. I think she feels that it devalues the quality of their relationship. I call bullshit. If two people meet, connect, form a bond...who cares where it started? If you met your spouse/best friend/yoga instructor online, at a bar, at church, on a singles cruise, in jail....it makes NO difference to me. Love is a gift. Friendship is a gift. Who gives a shit where it originated?

This group of women that you so fondly referenced, are each very different and special in their own way. To lump them into a negatively labeled group is unfair. Each relationship has unique facets and quirks, just like the women that are in them. The first friendship I gained from a blog page was a complete surprise to me. I had found a page that I really liked so, I started reading her archives in my spare time. This lady is incredible. I found myself thinking, "she says all of the things that I feel but am afraid to say". I never commented and kept silent, fearing that I would surely sound like an idiot to someone with such writing savvy. One day, a troll upset her. Without thinking twice, I wrote her an email. I started it with, "Dear Complete Stranger". I told her how her writing touched me and how much I looked forward to the hearty laugh she gave me several times a day. I told her how much I would miss her if she stopped writing. I hesitated slightly before sending it, assuming that it would just be one in a windfall of messages from fans. To my absolute and utter surprise, she posted it on her blog and said lovely things to me. A friendship was born.

My stories with each of these women are different. I have spent MANY hours reading their heartfelt words, feeling their pain, giving encouragement and love whenever I could. Most of all, I have laughed with all of them. A LOT. I consider each of them friends and if they needed help, I would be there in a hot minute. I can say without a doubt, they would do the same for me. That is what defines a friendship, to me. I could care less where we met. I am just truly grateful to have them in my life.

I hope that the next time it occurs to you that you might have fun bashing a new page on a Saturday night, you will reconsider. Your time may be better spent working on not being a total dick. Relationships come in all different shapes and sizes. Even if those relationships do not quite fit into the mold you imagined. Either you choose to love or to hate.

I choose love.

Kisses,
Ms. T