Do you like Pina Coladas?

Best Friends Forever. BFFs. Fairy tale? Urban legend? Or just plain bullshit? Why do we feel the need as women to have this title as well as bestow it upon a close pal? Is there truly ONE friend that is there for you every single time you need them? One individual whose friendship outshines all others? Unless you have a twin, I don't...but I didn't always feel this way.

In 7th grade, my good friend gave me a necklace with half of a broken heart pendant on it. It said,"Be Fri". She quickly showed me her matching necklace with the other half of the heart,"st ends." I squealed, hugged her, and immediately clasped it around my neck. I remember feeling so proud walking through the halls, arm in arm, with our matching necklaces, proclaiming our lifelong commitment to our friendship. It was the junior high equivalent to wearing a guys letterman jacket in high school. She's taken. Back off bitches, she HAS a best friend.
That is, I *did* until Sallys brothers cousin told the janitor that I might have smiled at the guy she likes, in homeroom. I wore that necklace for about a month before the gossip fiasco. She asked me for it back, didn't care that I thought the guy she liked was a douche, and never spoke to me again. That may have been the beginning of my cynicism towards BFFs.

We evolve and change all the time. I have found that the same is true when it comes to friends. I have experienced deep friendship and it is wonderful. I think that the feeling you have when you see an old friend, is a true testament as to the depth of the relationship. Have you seen a friend after a very long absence, and feel like you had just had lunch yesterday? I have. That feeling is rare and I treasure it. I have a couple of friends like that. The ones that you never run out of things to say, laugh at all of each others funny stories, reminisce about the past, and wish you had more time with. Those relationships are special and should never be taken for granted.

Distance separates me from most of my friends. New and old. I made a couple of really good friends when we moved to NY, about 5 years ago. Time passes, everyone gets busy with work, families, life in general. I have a family. I totally get it. What I don't get is that neither of these women ever make time for me. Even a phone call would be nice. Dinner out with martinis would be ideal but, beggars can't be choosers. I get lovely messages about how life will calm down soon and we will get together, "FOR SURE". A year has gone by and I am still getting the lovely messages. *facepalm*. Is it me? Is it life? Maybe it's both. I just want to know what a 38 year old, stay at home, mother of 2, has to do to get a girl to go to dinner with her.

If I were to place an add for a bestie, it would go something like this:

Do You Like Pina Coladas?

• Will not be getting caught in the rain or making love at midnight. You must have half a brain, at least. *if you do not know the song...you are probably too young and need to move along.*
• Must be over 25. Before that age, you really don't know shit.
• Must not spend girlfriend time discussing any childs bodily functions. Dirty martinis do not go with talk about poop, pee, vomit, or any other disgusting tidbit you feel the need to share.
• If you hate your husband, keep it to yourself. I mean, I have no problem discussing relationship issues but, I will kick you in the teeth if I have to endure hours of "why my husband is a douchebag". 
• Kids must not be hellions. I have no patience for kids that act like they are the spawn of the devil. Only respectful, kind, happy, and well behaved kids come over to play at our house. (We don't have many kids over. Hmmmm.......)
• MUST have a deranged, dark, inappropriate, and politically incorrect sense of humor. 
• Never bring me flowers...bring Grey Goose. 
• Must be blunt and to the point. I am way too impatient to deal with anyone that cannot communicate. Say how you feel. Sullen teenage silent treatment not allowed...EVER!
• Must love to laugh. A lot. 

What do you think? Know anyone like this? I need a Girls Night Out with a lot of martinis. Yesterday.